You
would think the worst thing to happen to you is having an army man slap
you, No hun, that's just a tip of the ice berg compared to being stranded ; in
Nigeria at least
, heartless people
everywhere....or Let's talk on this from the beginning maybe it would
make more sense ...
It was one of those days I had my pocket full, you know the feeling where your pocket is just over flowing and you assume you have 1million in it you start buying up and down, everything suddenly becomes sweet,
plantain chips, yogurt , wafers, I
even bought sugarcane, like actual sugarcane , heartless people
everywhere....or Let's talk on this from the beginning maybe it would
make more sense ... It was one of those days I had my pocket full, you know the feeling where your pocket is just over flowing and you assume you have 1million in it you start buying up and down, everything suddenly becomes sweet,
I think it had to do
with tiwa savages new 'sugarcane EP' since I heard and listened to it
sugarcane has been popping in my head , anyway it was a no bus day for me I
wasn't in the mood to congest myself and have this agbero conductors scream in
my ears, (not when I had plenty cash in my pocket) taxi
was the alternative of course it's not relatively comfortable but compared to
the buses in this country its way better . So I boarded a taxi, enjoying the left window side seat with the Breeze slapping my face wondering what next to buy
.I soon got to where I was
headed finished my brief business and made for home, I was about hopping into
another cab when I saw something rather captivating, a rather sexy skin shining
in its yellow and brown glory, very sleek appearance, I already fantasized
running my tongue all over the sleek body, No I couldn't miss this! I
couldn't miss this plantain chips 
"plantain
chipssssss!" I screamed as I ran towards the befuddled plantain chips lady,
who was probably wondering what my problem was, thinking about it now she might
have thought I was a mad man,
I got to her front in what seemed like ages. I began selecting,
from my previous plantain chips experiences I have found browner chips
sweeter , i could see her give me the angry look, that of course wasn't
my problem I was paying for it after all, I selected three brown babies
and gave them to her for packing up which she did, I casually put
my hand in my pocket to pay up when something rather scary happened, I
felt my pocket and it seemed unusually empty , I swiftly put my hand
inside and there was no money ; it must have been stress causing it, I
took a deep breath and put my hands back in my pocket there was nothing
still, I checked the other and the other and the last one; Empty
!!, I stood face to face with
an angry chips seller, my heart beating really fast, I took a malicious look
around ready for the worst, I mean who knows when she would start screaming
upandan I had to be sure who was around, this had happened before
sometime last year I went to a supermarket to buy a perfume called 'him' they
told me the price and I nearly had heart attack but of course no one had to
know so I upped my game with my ajebo voice I was like "sorry ma'am, 'him' was slip of tongue can I have 'her' ,and she gave me this ridiculous look and started searching then it occurred to me, like what if there was such a perfume as 'her', I would have just left everything and started running
. Enough play back to my
story 
MY Plantain chips friend still stood there giving me the 'I will bite your balls commot if you continue to waste my time" look, unfortunately for me there was no him and her plantain chips. I had to tell the truth, I figured if I used proper phonetic English maybe she should add some respect
"Madame I think I left my money in the cab" I finally said
I watched her look me in the eye for few seconds and then carried her tray of plantain chips back on her head, still looking at me she started "stupid boy, thief, Ole barawo, just look at your big head na to dey blow grammar money you no get" by now I was already 10yards away. As if she was talking to me
. It was only now it hit me,
the plantain chips Lady was the least of my problems; like how would I get home
I looked at my dead phone helplessly and began trekking 
Sweat flowed heavily
down my forehead to my chin. I was perspiring like that's all I had to. I would
gladly blame my new cream, but considering I had walked two miles, my
cream was clearly innocent.
MY transport fair now was just #50 since I had practically trekked a distance worth the other half thinking about the #500 yogurt I bought earlier I felt like crying .
At this point It was safe to declare me stranded, more like Nigeria's predicament in human form. I felt like the wind controlled my joints, inducing me to lie on the road.
As I walked, a lot of crazy thoughts began surfing my mind, I would love to share some
;
I began estimating what I would need to start begging like this Fulani children .
shhhhh don't worry
, that remained a thought 
I wasn't that
desperate, at least not yet.
Just last week I gave a stranded man #400, and I found myself wondering about karma; wasn't I stranded now? Can’t I get lucky too? But again, I remember the man begging first.
Me beg? Damn!
No no, Pride wasn't the issue. I was way too desperate to be proud.
It's just the Nigeria we are in now, where everything is misunderstood. In Nigeria, you cannot be stranded in peace, at least not to people. It's either you are a thief or part of the chain of cooperate beggars. I couldn't bear imagining anyone telling me " to go get a life and stop begging people on the road "
that would be
the end of mirrors in my life , I wouldn't be able to face myself in one after
that.
I sat down in front of a shop and rested for a while before walking again. Seeing people speedup in cars made it more painful. So no Good Samaritan's left? With each step I took an image of one of the things I bought would flash my mind; sugarcane, plantain
anyway my
smart ass came up with this idea where I stopped a random taxi and asked him to
take me via a drop and told him when we got to my place I would get money
from someone and pay him. And that was my saving grace. My leg still heard it
that day. But country that someone cannot be stranded in peace is that one
country. Any way you all If you like miscalculate your transport I naija, if
you're lucky enough they will call you a Fulani beggar and leave it like that.
And thank God
for the plantain chips, like what if I had entered that taxi, I would have
had that Yoruba taxi man and his angry tribal marked face to
contend with.
Signing out until next time
Your fav diary blogger
Do catch my October 1st write-up on Nigeria , love always
MY transport fair now was just #50 since I had practically trekked a distance worth the other half thinking about the #500 yogurt I bought earlier I felt like crying .
At this point It was safe to declare me stranded, more like Nigeria's predicament in human form. I felt like the wind controlled my joints, inducing me to lie on the road.
As I walked, a lot of crazy thoughts began surfing my mind, I would love to share some
;I began estimating what I would need to start begging like this Fulani children .
shhhhh don't worry
, that remained a thought I wasn't that
desperate, at least not yet.Just last week I gave a stranded man #400, and I found myself wondering about karma; wasn't I stranded now? Can’t I get lucky too? But again, I remember the man begging first.
Me beg? Damn!
No no, Pride wasn't the issue. I was way too desperate to be proud.
It's just the Nigeria we are in now, where everything is misunderstood. In Nigeria, you cannot be stranded in peace, at least not to people. It's either you are a thief or part of the chain of cooperate beggars. I couldn't bear imagining anyone telling me " to go get a life and stop begging people on the road "
that would be
the end of mirrors in my life , I wouldn't be able to face myself in one after
that.I sat down in front of a shop and rested for a while before walking again. Seeing people speedup in cars made it more painful. So no Good Samaritan's left? With each step I took an image of one of the things I bought would flash my mind; sugarcane, plantain
anyway my
smart ass came up with this idea where I stopped a random taxi and asked him to
take me via a drop and told him when we got to my place I would get money
from someone and pay him. And that was my saving grace. My leg still heard it
that day. But country that someone cannot be stranded in peace is that one
country. Any way you all If you like miscalculate your transport I naija, if
you're lucky enough they will call you a Fulani beggar and leave it like that. And thank God
for the plantain chips, like what if I had entered that taxi, I would have
had that Yoruba taxi man and his angry tribal marked face to
contend with.Signing out until next time
Your fav diary blogger
Do catch my October 1st write-up on Nigeria , love always
READ MY ATM STORY BELOW
https://collindairy.blogspot.com/2017/08/my-atm-story.html
https://collindairy.blogspot.com/2017/08/my-atm-story.html