Different unflavored sounds came almost at once constituting
a cacophony 'noise' ; don't imagine the Dubai car lineup the flashy cars were
very much countable, So are the oil workers and the government officials,
luckily for us their cars can't fly, we all get caught in the same traffic. I
think it's a good thing anyway, who knows how much the flying cars would cost
and oil money of course will have to pay.
Drivers abused each other, buses exploded with
conductor-passenger fights, fumes from cars took over the atmosphere, nasty
bullies, police officers I mean, paved way for themselves with their wipes and
guns, not caring if the cars moved into the pedestrian walkway, the arena
perfectly defined chaos a novice could think it was Rapture day, of course
except for the fact I am still here: God can’t live me here (lol). It was just
an average Nigerian traffic, and yes AVERAGE. It's worse sometimes. I heard the
government had begun fixing the traffic lights. I personally looked forward to
seeing how the military would wipe the traffic lights to green so they can
move. Amidst the chaos, I heard sirens approaching, nobody was dying in no
ambulance vehicle, it was just another police vehicle. Noise makers😏. Sirens are as inconsequential in this country as the
petty road signs. Thanks to the primary/nursery school rhythm-
"Red means STOP
YELLOW means GET READY
GREEN means GO GO GO..."
Who knows the traffic lights could have been worse.
I sat at the back seat of the bus I boarded, muttering
silent prayers on the traffic moving when the bus driver did the impossible, and
by IMPOSSIBLE, he made a 60-degree turn over the median strip to the other lane
for coming vehicles. As he did, his disengaged bus made screeching sounds as if
prepping to fall apart and he started his HULK HOGAN drive, dodging incoming
vehicles. Something told me he only just saw 'Fast and Furious' the previous
night.
The passengers hailed and cheered as he put them out of the
traffic misery.
"Driver the driver”
😓
"You sabi drive o," they gingered. I wasn't
getting it again, so that's the criteria for being a good naija driver.
I sat behind with anxiety patiently waiting to see how he
planned on blending back to the other lane without being caught by the police,
I smiled as I saw the little police checkpoint up ahead, at last the road had
ended for Jack Bauer. I was a bit curious as to why no one said anything on the
checkpoint up ahead. Was I the only one seeing this? I wondered why the driver
didn't panic nor the passengers on behalf of their brief celebrity.
"Officer your person dey here," the driver told
the officers at the checkpoint as the car came to a halt.
I didn't notice the person that sat at the front seat with
rumpled black over washed and worn shirt and trousers was a police
officer. Without any further
interrogation he was allowed to pass and he swiftly made his way back into the
other lane which was no longer stuck.
What! A police officer was there and allowed him to do what
he did! It just shows the level of incompetence, and he was allowed to get away
because somebody wearing black sat at the front.
NAIJA WAY!
On this note I’m going to give anyone reading this my Top5
Means of Survival on a Nigerian highway since obviously, it's a matter of
survival of the ROUGHEST and also give caution to girls with flat a** doing
squats to avoid traffic in this country instead trek, the little flesh your
squats has given you might just go vanishing in a matter of minutes from
jamming them to the hard sit surfaces for hours
1. Make sure you have a police friend that you can pay #100
to sit at the front seat.
2. Make sure your car has a Bulbar or push bumper. Believe
me you going to need it when you get into a hitting hitting fight with another
vehicle (it’s quite common here).
3. Don’t bring your Lamborghini to Nigerian roads, at least
not without a perfect insurance plan. And don't remove the polythene cover on
the body.
4. Get earplugs, the way this heavy cars blow their horns,
could give a heart attack
5. You might want to keep your windows up, the beggars this
days could be very consistent and confident
And I must say a big
congratulations to anyone who has driven successfully through our roads, you
can drive anywhere else in the world.
Your fav boy – signing out
check out 'stranded in Naija' below
https://collindairy.blogspot.com/2017/09/naija-chonicles-being-stranded-in-naija.html
check out 'stranded in Naija' below
https://collindairy.blogspot.com/2017/09/naija-chonicles-being-stranded-in-naija.html