latest Post

NAIJA CHRONICLES






So I went out on a good Friday, feeling oddly confident, I couldn’t tell why exactly, maybe my new trim, or  new sandals , i just couldn't  place it .I boarded a car to garrison in port-Harcourt to fix my phone, I sat beside this pretty lady, she looked absolutely stunning with her gorgeous handbag and everything, her Samsung s7 corked the bottle. She could intimidate people without even trying. I put my head up straight minding my business as always, the bus got into a goes slow {Nigeria’s version of traffic}

She put her hand inside her tight jean pocket, she kept struggling to bring out something, it seemed stuck, she struggled, hitting me in the process, I couldn’t help but stare, my curiosity crazed me I didn’t take my eyes off until she brought the rumpled 100 Naira note from her pocket, I felt disappointed I can’t tell why precisely, not like I expected a lion or something.
“banana, groundnut, banana, groundnut” ,she screamed heavily at the banana hawker passing ,ignoring the fact ears could go bad, she  purchased some and without hesitation she began chewing the banana , she moved her mouth so fast making disturbing sounds in my ear , here I saw a reason why social grace should be taught in schools especially public schools , to my disbelief she threw the first banana peel right outside the window as she avidly opened the next one and threw the peel out the window again she repeated it until she finished the bananas , fortunately i wasn’t the only one sickened as a man cautioned her on why she did what she did , it took her nothing to insult the life out of him, i was glad i didnt say anything……..after all her packaging , anyway  I  got to garrison in no time ,men and girls struggled to get the contract of repairing my phone, amidst leaving me with the ‘celebrity walking on Red carpet feeling’  they played their talking cards well, it made it kind of hard picking just one person from them.
I looked and saw a quiet one sitting down; I decided to let the saying ‘The patient dog eats the fattest bone’ Play a role here, only I didn’t have a fat bone, but in the current state of the economy anything goes and could pass for a fat bone .We bargained our prices briefly .i noticed bargaining was a  lot easier now everyone is desperate for money ,I sat down and waited patiently as he began opening the phone .My stomach rumbled , it wasn’t food , I needed to use  a toilet .i made myself more comfortable on my sit hoping it would subside , that apparently wasn’t the case , it got more intense.
At this point I wasn’t myself , I stood up and an  mysterious force began pushing me and making me run without destination  , I needed a toilet .There I was in the middle of an unknown street running or almost running as the case might have been. I didn’t know myself , I felt like a man possessed , I thought of the worst case scenario ; pooing on myself ? A greater spirit steel-clad my search for a toilet. I saw my best chance in a roll of flats   and walked up to the lady that sat in front, I managed to comfort myself and asked her if I could use her toilet, she looked at me, probably felt the tension and gave me access to her toilet……..well, I was out in no time, a new feeling overwhelmed me, it was shame, facing the lady was a tough task, but I had to say thank you
As I walked back to where I was fixing my phone , I smiled  recollecting how I acted moments ago , I could have punched anybody that stopped me for any stupid cause .
Lesson of the day: MIND YOURSELF, when you see people tensely walking/running you don’t know what’s driving them. Don’t go get yourself a punch, is it just me or are there supposed to be well maintained public latrines in case of emergencies.
lemme be going 

About COLLIN

COLLIN
Recommended Posts × +